Why your ‘First Time’ is not what you expect.

Your ‘First Time’ is probably scary, and filled with many expectations, but you shouldn’t put too much on it… 

Many people will share their ‘First Time’ stories, and how it was nothing they expected. It was far from what they expected.

Everyone is warned about losing their ‘virginity’ (I write it like that because I find it to be a social construction more than anything. It basically makes the deed sound like you’re being dirty and losing some pure about yourself. In reality, people do it all over the world… it’s not a bad thing at all) and how much it will hurt. Realistically, this puts pressure on both people involved. Sometimes, your first time is with someone ‘experienced’ or your both engaging in sex for the first time. Neither will be the greatest experience.

There is so much pressure placed on us by society to perform great in everything we do. And, the crux of the matter is… no one does well in their first time. It happens are more of a ritual. Something we can tell our friends, something we can talk about when we’re older, sometimes even laugh over. Most of the time, we’re fairly young when we commit to that first time and we put lots of pressure on ourselves. We want it to be perfect.

Films and books also exacerbate this need to perform it amazing, to have an amazing time. As if the sun will shine out of our butthole the first time we do it. Men and women have the same pressure. To do well, to sound great, to look great. The truth is, it will probably be slightly uncomfortable and a bit weird. I’m fairly certain most things are when you do them for the first time. If you start a new job or start a new hobby, you don’t know what to do on the first day. You’re a bit lost. However, with time you perfect your skills.

The stories of ‘first time horrors’ far outweigh the stories of great first times. And, that’s fine. No one wants it to be perfect. No one expects it to be perfect.

I’m here to be a realistic person. To tell you that it won’t be perfect, and it may be embarrassing and awkward but that’s also fine. Many other people have been in the same boat as you.

That’s why I’m starting this section of my blog that will be honest with you about sex, healthy relationships and consent. It needs talking about, and I want it to be a safe space for people to hear stories and start a healthy discussion around it. We need to stop making it taboo and start talking about it.


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