I was thinking about something the other day- about the way we deal with heartbreak and bad news. And, even though we may not even consider it, can you deal with heartbreak and be a feminist?
Heartbreak is defined as ‘very great sadness and emotional suffering, especially after the end of a love affair or close relationship’.
For me, heartbreak is one of the worst things you can feel. It is as if your heart has split into a million pieces and you can’t put it back together. My throat clenches, I have this kind of thirst and then I cry. I have that literal feeling in my heart that nothing will be good ever again.
Everyone has this. However, sometimes it is really hard for me to feel sad over a boy and be an amazing kind of feminist, who don’t need no man.
Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but is it okay for us to feel sad about a boy (or a girl) when we’re supposed to be all powerful and strong 24/7.
When I first started writing about dating, it never struck me that I might have to write about the ugly parts, and the bits that people don’t discuss. I started writing about dating because I am a very forward and honest person to date- and quite a few people don’t like when a woman who they are dating will speak their mind.
However, I didn’t come into writing about dating with the idea that one day I might have a big heartbreak, and it might take me months to get over it. It might take me months to feel in a place of acceptance and good.
Feminism has always had this kind of image of power, and greatness and not taking any shit from anyone- but what if we can’t be that 24/7? Does that mean we can’t be a feminist?
If we want to cry for hours over a boy, and we want to mope, and we want to think that there was something wrong with us for months- does that mean we aren’t a feminist?
I have posted some weird ideas on this blog, but this is one I’ve just been sitting on for a while. I felt bad for weeks because I was feeling heartbreak, and I tried to cover it and I didn’t want to talk about it. It made the healing process longer than it should have been, because as a huge feminist, I felt bad for feeling sad over a boy.
This is the thing about feminism…
It has become such a movement that is now internet wide, that people hugely forget that there are people behind these screens, and people in this movement who have so much to bring to the table.
We have coated feminism AND feminists with the same brush- and sometimes it makes me quite frankly embarrassed. We are competing, arguing and forgetting the bigger picture in front of us.
There is no perfect way to be a feminist, there is no perfect way to be an activist for any kind of movement- but sometimes it feels like we can’t take a breather.
Sometimes, it feels like we can’t just watch Bridget Jones and cry over that Tinder boy who f*cked us over.