I hate Instagram.

Here she is again. It’s me – back, back, back baby.

It’s been a long time. First off- how are you? How are you really? It’s okay to not feel so good right now, but take care of yourself. Take care of yourself wherever and whatever is happening right now.

So, where have I been? Focusing on work and myself. I needed to take time to reground, learn and let myself enjoy life again. Sometimes we expect too much. Sometimes we want things to happen now but we forget to live in the moment. We forget that life is happening in front of us.

We live too much in the idea of what it could be and what it really is.

Which takes me onto my post today.

I hate Instagram. I do. I absolutely do.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with it. It has given me a platform for many of my followers to easily communicate with me, it helped me found YLL (yes for empowering women!) and it is also a place for me to learn.

However, there is a very big flaw with Instagram and I feel like we all recognise this. Maybe there are a few flaws but there is a specific one I want to talk about today. I want to talk about how it impacts our body image, our perception of ourselves – our mental health.

Now, stay with me, because I have a lot to say today.

I have always known how shitty Instagram can be for your mental health, but I have always wondered why do we do it to ourselves? Like I’ve mentioned there are so many positives to it and, don’t get me wrong, I love using it to see where friends are and what they are up to.

That is almost outweighed though when I’m looking at my phone at 7pm and wondering why people didn’t like my picture. Do they not like me? Am I the problem? Do I not look good enough? What could I have done better?

Maybe I look too fat, maybe I look too big, maybe I could have posed better, maybe I could have changed the lipstick

Or, maybe, I’m just unlikeable.

As someone who has struggled with her appearance and herself entirely, that is where my mind goes to over content I post. I have always had this idea I am not a good person. And when my Instagram post flops, here I am believing that lie all over again.

Now, do not get me wrong, I know these intrusive thoughts now and I know how to handle them. I know the tricks I can play on myself now and I tell myself to shut up. But, that split second. That moment.

It takes just one of those thoughts to tip someone over the edge.

Instagram is a five second fake validation. That one like, that one comment, that one story share. It is all fake validation. And it is part of this social media cycle. If you’re not posting, if you’re not liking, if you’re not sharing… what are you doing?

Nothing.

If it wasn’t on social media, if you didn’t post it… did it happen?

I am guilty of posting on social media and seeing those out on a weekend, when I have decided to stay at home, and thinking that I am so boring. Why am I not out?

I forget social media is a facade. It isn’t real – it’s fake.

They might post they are the happiest they have been but five minutes after they post it they are crying.

Now, I’m not slamming those who use social media and enjoy it – because I do! And I do enjoy it, but sometimes I think is it worth the mental health strain.

Is it it worth the thoughts I have to battle?

I have tried to take on social media. I have started to turn off likes on my instagram posts, I have turned off my activity, I have started to take myself away.

I have tried to pull away from the constant bustle of likes, comments, shares… because sometimes its overwhelming. One comment, two likes, one share.

It is all a bit too much.

At my wise age of 25, I know it’s not real. I know how many editing apps are out there. I know it is not real. The worries are the younger generation. What kind of impression are we giving editing, erasing, reshaping?

Will I come off social media? No, I don’t think I will. As much as I slate it, I admit I see positives to it. I know to take time when I need to.

Will I change the way I present myself on social media? Yes. I am sick of the way social media presents this image life is perfect 24/7. It isn’t. Times are hard, we don’t always smile.

So, I hate Instagram.

I won’t ever leave it though.